Today she brings us a reflection on the Sacrament of Reconciliation as an important part of our Advent journey.
For me, the weeks of advent have a very close connection with the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
It is a time for us to prepare – in the true sense of Advent – for the second coming of Christ. And just as celebrating these holy holidays with our families mean cleaning & decorating our homes, celebrating it with Christ means cleaning and decorating our spiritual homes for Him. Spiritual cleaning would involve us making a truly repentant confession, while spiritual decoration would involve us doing acts of charity and love for one another.
Focusing on just the sacrament of reconciliation here, I wrote this a few years ago & every time I read it, it still rings so true.
I make my confession approx. once a month. Usually the people waiting for confession are negligible. Yesterday however was a different question. I reached St. Peter’s Church (which is an adjacent parish to mine) at around 5.50pm. I stood in one of the long serpentine queue for 45 mins. There were at least ten such lines.
At one point the queue I was in seemed to be the slowest of the lot – the reason, a young boy (of maybe 18-20 years) who was at the confessional for at least 20 minutes.
An old lady in front of me began grumbling “Just what is he doing there, taking so long??” she asked me.
“If he was your grandson, wouldn’t you be happy that he was making a long & good confession? Especially given the fact that so many young boys don’t even come to Church these days?” I asked her back.
“If he was my grandson,” she answered me, “I would ask him why on earth he waited till the last moment to confess all his sins.”
Now, neither of us knew if that boy in question had been for confession even the week before & was just confessing a week’s sins, but our conversation made me ponder upon certain things:
Just why was the lady in question getting all irritated? It surely had nothing to do with the boy himself. I’m sure she’s a nice old lady who in any other circumstances would have been love itself. Then what caused all the irritation. Surely it was the waiting in queues (something I myself detest), especially since we all knew that confessions were up to a 6.45 pm only after which preparation for 7 pm Holy Mass would begin. All those who didn’t make it, would have to come back the next day.
As things turned out neither of us got to make our confessions, even after the 45 minute wait. I turned to go home when I met a friend who told me that confessions in my parish were still going on as our Mass started only at 7.30 pm. So off I went to Mt. Carmel ‘s and again joined a queue (mercifully a much smaller one).
Just as my turn came, the priest, Fr. Victor, asked me if I didn’t mind coming again for confession. “Melody, I know there’s still time for Mass,” he said “but I’d really like to start preparation before Mass a little more than usual today”
It was now 7.10pm. My legs hurt (I had been walking & standing for what seemed like eternity) & more than that I so wanted to receive the sacrament. The previous Sunday I had not received Holy Communion & I so wanted to receive Jesus on the coming Sunday.
“Will you wait until after Mass then?” he asked me. “Sure Father.” I said.
I proceeded to the Chapel where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed & prayed there. Then weirdly I began to feel faint & my back really started to pain. After sitting there till almost 8pm (Mass would end only by 8.30pm) I was tired and ready burst into tears.
I wanted to leave & go home. How frustrating to have to wait for so long for something that should have been freely available to me. How annoying that I had to wait so long in the queue. And to be denied a second time! I was ready to just forget the whole deal.
And then it hit me. Perhaps due to my frequent confessions, I was used to the idea of going, getting cleansed, doing a meager Penance & coming out. Due to the abundance of His love & mercy Jesus had never made confession a difficult sacrament for me to receive.
Yet, I had abused that mercy. Without even realizing it, I wanted a quick fix. I was truly sorry wasn’t I? Now forgive me & get it over with. Oh my Jesus! When I saw things from that point of view, I realized how little different I was from the old lady I had talked to a few hours earlier.
I took all the waiting as a bit of Penance for all my sins. Surely that was Nothing compared to what He did for me so that I could be saved? I also realized as I confessed to Fr. Victor (maybe starting at 8.45pm) that the reason I went to another parish was to avoid the priest whom I knew & who knew me thinking of me as anything but a holy girl. How unholy in itself that is..! Pride; the sin of Satan.
Jesus loved me enough to humble me to see the folly of my ways. I confessed a little extra yesterday. And when I was finished, I realized with extra pleasure, how great it was to receive the sacrament of Reconciliation with the Lord. Everything was brand new. And I was as white as snow.
I wish you white-as-snow hearts to welcome our special guest, the Lord Jesus Christ into our hearts this Christmas.
Join us tomorrow and every day until December 26 for more reflections produced by great Catholic New Media personalities.
Dan Harms is the other half of the amazing Catholic nerdcore band, Popple (Think– They Might be Giants with rosaries). Last month, Popple released their wonderful new album, Hip, Hip, Hooray. If you are still searching for the perfect Christmas gift for one of your loved ones, you could not go wrong with Popple’s CDs or T-Shirts.
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